March 18, 2019

#155 Canyon Ranch Health Resort

Canyon Ranch opened in 1979 and has because one of the most famous health and wellness resorts in North America.  Most of the folks are there for at least a week, some stay for 1-3 months.  It is insane. I did a single spa day. 


Whenever I’m around the super-rich (you know, the ones with more dollars than sense), I’m always totally amazed at how warped their view of everyday reality is.  I also play this game where I wonder if I won the lottery (or was otherwise suddenly independently wealthy) how long it would take me to become one of them. 

I’m not saying they aren’t nice or good people, just that it is obscene to spend $500 dollars on a tiny face cream like you’re ordering off the dollar menu.


Anyway, for the spa day you get a $160 service allowance, lunch at one of their restaurants, and access to basically the whole Ranch.  Any classes, lectures, etc. are up for grabs – as much as you can cram in between 8am-5pm.  (Spoiler alert: I did not arrive at 8am.)

I got there around 9, checked in, got a quick tour, was assigned a locker – another tour of the locker room – and headed out to my first class.  It was a stretching class.  I learned so good stuff there that I can easily replicate on my own. 


After that I went to a lecture with their head of exercise science.  He was funny and it was pretty educational.  I might be checking out some of his info with my resident expert when I’m in Reno, but it sounded pretty legit.  LOL

Lunch was up next, it was delicious (although a bit spicy….that chipotle mayo).  There was a guy sitting behind me who was talking to a lady a few tables over – read they were pretty loud, so it was easy to overhear- but she was saying she was leaving for a couple of days to go to Sedona and the Grand Canyon.  But she wasn’t checking out; so, she was paying the insane rate at Canyon Ranch AND for whatever/wherever she was staying on her “break”.  See: the super-rich are crazy, y’all.


After lunch, I headed back to the Yoga Studio for a breathing class.  Turns out….I know how to breathe already.  But really I already do a lot of techniques she talked us through because I’ve read them in random articles over the years.

I was going to go to another lecture, but instead decided to check out the “relaxation” room.  A room in which I totally fell asleep. 


Cold towels and cucumbers in the rest and relaxation room.


After the nap, it was time for my spa service – I had a facial.  It was delightful.  The technician could not get over my name.  She kept saying, “I do 7 appointments every day and I’ve never heard your name before.”  I get complimented on my name quite often and I think it’s funny because a) I didn’t have anything to do with it, b) I think it’s a fine name, but not insanely beautiful or lyrical.  I have developed a new response though.

Them: Your name is so pretty.
Me:  Thanks, I got it for my birthday.

This joke kills. Every. Single. Time.

The technician also told me that I have great skin and just need to exfoliate a little more frequently.  She did not try to sell me a $500/oz. cream.


The most fascinating thing about Canyon Ranch was how they’ve anticipated everything you might need and have it available right there.  Every single women’s bathroom stall has a little crate of pads and tampons.  The sinks all have soap, lotion, after sun care, sunscreen, mouthwash, q-tips, hair ties, etc. etc.  The shower stalls are stocked with towels, shampoo, conditioner, etc.  They even have hair washing sinks if you just want to wash your hair after a treatment. Also, basically a self-serve salon with makeup mirrors, blow dryers, etc. 


Canyon Ranch was a splurge for me, but it is definitely luxurious. That said, if given the choice, I'd rather go back to Santa Fe and 10,000 Waves (#89).